The War on Cottage Cheese – What Really Works for Cellulite

Why is cellulite so embarrassing?  It’s like it’s a reflection on your bad character, not a medical disturbance or unfortunate genetic inheritance.

 

I’d been coveting Neutrogena’s new Anti-Cellulite cream for a while, but at nearly $30 a bottle, I didn’t want to spring for the experiment.  My ex boyfriend could get it for me cheap since Neutrogena was one of his clients.  But I didn’t want to ask.  Why? Well, duh.

So my best friend yanked me out of the cellulite closet in front of him.  “Didn’t you want that new cellulite cream?” she said innocently.

Gee, thanks.  Obviously the man has eyes, but do I really want to remind him? 

I was torn…I wanted it, but I didn’t want to admit it.  Ever since the Elancyl Method twenty-odd years ago (the nubbly plastic mitt, the cream), I’d kept abreast of science’s attempts to deal with this scourge.

 

Whether it’s body sculpting with ultrasound, detoxification, or having giant rollers smash over you in a spa, it’s a pesky problem.  Some of the slew of new products use the term ‘clinically proven’ to reduce the appearance of cellulite up to 50%. You can’t just bandy that around…uh, can you, FDA?  Gimme 20-40% and I’ll be extremely happy.

So, when she let the cellu-cat out of the bag, I hung my head and admitted it at last.  Yes, ALRIGHT.  I WANT THE CELLULITE CURE.

So I tried the Neutrogena product, used it religiously and was quite pleased. As promised it did improve the “appearance of cellulite” but it didn’t take it away. I wanted more.   

I moved on to VelaSmooth, a medical clinic procedure which involves a vacuuming device which delivers intense pulses of light to heat up the skin and break up the “bands” of fat that are causing all the trouble. I underwent 16 sessions of an hour each in conjunction with some mesotherapy (a European process to remove stubbon fat deposits through injections of phosphatidyl choline). The combination is called LipoLite. 

VelaSmooth is definitely not painless and takes a certain amount of teeth gritting in the beginning as your skin has to become accustomed to the deep vacuuming. However it is much easier by the fourth or fifth session (is beauty ever easy?) and produces a “cure” of about 2/3 removal (my case estimation only). 

The remaining 1/3 cellulite is a light pitting which I will attempt to take out via Nivea’s new web-only Goodbye Cellulite. After several members of Tyra Bank’s audience tried these cellulite patches and unveiled the spectacular results, I had to have them. 

Nivea is apparently doing no offline advertising but word will get out eventually….so order your patches now before they sell out.