On April 1, a group of women descended on a satellite location of Condom Sense, owned by my good friend Martha, a 60ish grandmother who is as far away from being a 60ish grandmother as you can imagine. See, Martha sells er, toys.
Whaddya mean you don’t have any toys?” she once barked at me. “What? You’ve got no toy chest??!”
I blushed. It was like being in six grade. I didn’t have the right shoes.
“Oh, no,” Martha clucked, horrified. “That won’t do. HOW old are you?”
Somehow lil old me had never made it to Martha’s establishment but that finally changed. You see, I mentioned to my girlfriends that I knew Martha and the group immediately wanted to meet her. At her place of business. Okay they begged.
So I organized Toy Night. I arranged for a salesperson to give the feckless (yes, that’s feckless) women a private explanatory tour of the merchandise. Then sent an email to all my 10 closest girlfriends, inviting them to the tour, and including directions. Dinner to follow at the usual location. Shopping bag contents show-n-tell? Strictly optional.
What the Ladies Learned
Condom Sense’s “Toy Master,” Sarge, a 20-year Navy Medic vet, explained chapter and verse on all the accouterments. He was particularly into VPS or vibration per second. Sarge gave the ladies an HOUR long tour, believe me that’s a lot of product – told us about ViaCreme, and guided us to the Astroglide. “Hellloooo,” said Sarge. “Technology has come a long way, ladies.” He also told us how he met his wife, memorably, in the store’s Toy Room while she was reaching for an appliance. Sarge say it’s all about jelly machinery or cyberskin and well, er, if you want more details you’ll just have to drop in yourself.
Oh, what did ‘we’ buy? Forget it.