How to Fix Your Computer Mouse

I felt a cyber tantrum coming on. My computer mouse was misbehaving – badly. Instead of gliding like an Ice Capades star over its happy Bugs Bunny mousepad, my mouse had turned surly. Sticky. Bitchy.

Start. Stop. Glug. Suddenly my mouse demanded the hand and eye coordination of a Swiss watchmaker. What was this resistance? I’ve given my mouse everything. Now, ingratitude?

Yes, it’s a $5 piece of plastic. But I feel a Constitution-Granted Right to get at least two years out of a mouse before buying another. Cruelly I tossed the mouse against the wall, hoping to shock it into submission, but acting like it was only an “accident” while I reached for a Cheeto. “Get your act together,” I snarled. “Start gliding, baby. Glide! Glide!”

Nothing.

My surly mouse and I continued our standoff until I was advised by a computer expert that stuff builds up inside mouses. And you have to periodically clean them.

“Do you have a cat?” he said. “I guarantee you’ll find cat hair in there.”

He was right. Cat and mouse – imagine.

How-to Deal With Your Balky Mouse

  1. Turn mouse over.
  2. Twist off the plastic plate on top of the trackball.
  3. Pop the trackball out; don’t stress — you won’t break it.
  4. Use your finger or nail to wipe off the three rollers inside (you’ll see lots of black gunk on them).
  5. Replace trackball and cover.

Enjoy smoothly gliding mouse. Sigh with contentment at your satisfying wizardry and impress all your guy friends by showing them “neat” computer trick. And that was the end of my mouseke-tears.

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